You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
