I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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