you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
