Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
