It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
