i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
