Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
