I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize