so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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