get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will pee on everything he values.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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