Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My penis needs a shock collar
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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