I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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