His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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