I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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