There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
