nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
