Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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