Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
