Well apparently he's into motor boating.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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