I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
