WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
