i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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