apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
