When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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