I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
