I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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