What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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