That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
