Kiss
Puke
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize