fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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