I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
