i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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