My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
