Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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