Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
