Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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