Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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