I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
