Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
