physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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