His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
