Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
