You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
