i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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