I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
