did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
