One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
