you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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