Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
