I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
