can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
