Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
