..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
