I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
