After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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