i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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