there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I AM VODKA MAN
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
