Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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