flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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