i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
