Your face is a jimmy john
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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