I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
