Plan B is the new Plan A
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
