You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
