when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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