My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
