i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
