tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
